I'm not dead and this isn't a suicide note

as much as I'd like to stop being a waste of oxygen as soon as possible, I can't kill myself until mom doesn't need me to take care of her anymore.

previously i'd say something like "you all must hate me" or "no one actually cares about me" but I always kind of knew that was a lie. that doesn't mean I think i deserve to have anyone care about me though. I am still a bad person and I still deserve to suffer alone. you should forget about me and move on with your lives.

I've wronged a lot of people but my faulty memory means I can't remember everyone I owe an apology to. it probably haunted me for a long time, if that's any consolation. I might update this page if I remember more.

to rakton, ryan, and the tsunamico gc people: I'm sorry for inserting myself into a friend group where I didn't really belong. I apologize for being a burden. thanks for playing minecraft with me.

to everyone who tolerated me for so long: sorry for all the meanness and meltdowns and rudeness and generally being selfish and unpleasant for so long. for whatever reason you didn't just block me years ago. even if you eventually learned to just ignore me instead.

coda: I still miss you. I never figured out what I did wrong. I hope you're okay.

annika: sorry I worried you. I really wanted to just disappear without a trace but it wasn't fair to make anyone worry that much. your enthusiasm for the things I made or wrote meant a lot to me.

paradox: I think you're really cool and I wish we could have been friends but for whatever reason I kept being mean to you. I don't know if I was trying to be playfully mean or what my fucking problem was but the only thing I could do was remove myself from your presence

chelsea: I miss you.

galuade